SourSalty

This Is The Tentative End.

2010-03-21T11:40:00.000+08:00

Dead until further notice.

RIP Soursalty, you were a good blog.

Sweep Sweep Sweep

2010-03-06T23:18:00.004+08:00

Broom broom broom

(No that's not the sweeping thingy it's the sound effect of a car)

Oh look it's a traffic light =)
Oh no it's red =(
And it's on a slope =(

Oh well . . .
Clutch, brake, handbrake.
Wait.

Waiting waiting waiting.

Man, this is one long traffic light.

Oh yay it's green =)

Since it's on a slope,

Clutch all the way down.

Drivers behind honking.

Accelerator down a bit.

Drivers behind honking.

Clutch slowly goes up.

Drivers behind honking.

Slowly . . .

Drivers behind honking.

Engine wants to move!!

Drivers behind honking.

Ok!! Accelerator down a bit more!!

Drivers behind honking.

Alright!! Release handbrakes!!

Light turns yellow.

BROOM BROOM BROOM

Light turns red.

Phew!! Just made it =)

Drivers behind cursing.

Was looking in the papers for a cheapo second-hand car
And one thing I noticed from most of the ads
They go something like this.

Honda Civic 2.0L '06 Leather interior, Accident-free, Low mileage, Tip-top condition, blablabla, Woman owner.

WHAT?!!

What's so good about a woman owner??
So just because you're a man buying a chick's car seems more appealing?

But that's pretty reasonable.

But what's so good about a

Malay owner?

Quote my sis,

"Cuz they're Malays they won't drive to the pork market which is very dirty so the car will be cleaner."

Carpool XD

Haha I fail

Thank you jh for looking for cars with me last night.
But as much as I love you, I'm NOT getting a cute car.
Not not not.

Procrastination

2010-02-28T16:12:00.001+08:00

I shall blog tomorrow.

Hardlex Crystal

2010-02-17T20:10:00.000+08:00

I leave for Terengganu for 3 days
And when I come back
My blog has already turned into
A forum discussing downstairs hair

Most impressive.

You know what else is impressive?
An email saying
"Just because I'm gone doesn't mean I don't read your blog. Update! XD"

Fine. I will update.
But you hurry up and come back =(

So since my new hairstyle emanates manliness,
I decided to buy a chain watch cuz it's manly.

Don't worry this time there was no saleswoman pressure.
This time the saleswoman was epic fail.

While comparing 2 watches (Titus and Seiko)

"This Titus very good one. The glass is Hardlex crystal."
"Uhh, ok thanks. Gimme a minute to decide."
"But the Titus very good one. The glass Hardlex crystal one."
"Yeah I know. I'm deciding"
"But the Titus Hardlex crystal!!!"
"I KNOW DAMN IT!!"

*deciding deciding deciding*

"Ok. The Seiko uses what glass?"
"The Seiko not Hardlex crystal. The glass not so good one."
"Yeah but what glass does it use?"
"Errr I dunno wor. Lemme check first."

*checking checking checking*

"Ok I check liao."
"So what glass??"

"Hardlex crystal."

Oh dear.
College starts again tmr.
The cycle begins again =(

Hairdresser Pressure

2010-02-13T17:13:00.006+08:00

*snip snip snip*

=)

*snip snip snip*

=l

*SNIP SNIP SNIP*

=(

"Err, dude, don't you think you're cutting my hair a lil bit too short?"

"No it's meant to be like this."

"Err, but you're cutting of my fringe =("

"Listen pal, FRINGES ARE GAY.

REAL MEN DON'T HAVE FRINGES.

ARE YOU A REAL MAN?"

"T.T yes I am T.T"

Peer pressure? Not a problem.
Hairdresser pressure? Not too good.

Sigh.
My barbiturate is gone for a week =(
Sinking into depression . . .

PUISHING!!!

2010-02-09T22:48:00.001+08:00

Monday's Chem was . . .

Glass-shattering.

There was a mass breaking of lab stuff
Burettays, Pipitees, Conical flaxs,
Even glass rods
None of em were spared

Though I'm still wondering how the hell you break a glass rod

It got so bad that
The teacher had to start charging us for the stuff

But that didn't stop us.

*SHIUUUUUUUU*

*SPLATTER*

*CRASSHHHHH*

*PUISHING*

The glass shattering sound effect

And what did the dude who broke so many things say?

"I break so many no discount ah?"

PS : He got the discount.

Well right now I'm in the mood for some lame jokes so bare with me xD

Hmmm . . . Here goes =)

So there's this physicist, biologist and chemist. They go to the ocean cause it's a cool place to be.

The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. He drowned and never came back.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never came back.

The chemist waited for a long time and finally wrote his observation

"The physicist and the biologist are soluble in water".

HAHAHAHAHA

Well that's it for now folks, see you soon =D

Picnic

2010-02-06T16:33:00.001+08:00

Ahhhh . . .

T'was a beautiful morning

No cloud nor any other shit in the sky

Birds chirping the melodious tunes of harmony

The lake glistened under the warm bask of the sun

The vast meadow of green called to us

The gentle breeze caressed our hair

Pulling us . . .

Inviting us . . .

And as we sat on the picnic mat

Popping jam tarts into our mouths

And sipping Earl Grey Tea

We all thought to ourselves

"What a beautiful day for a picnic."

Reality

We were slapping mosquitoes

There was a dead rat on the grass

The picnic mat was puny

The grass was soaking wet and full of puddles

There were sweaty people everywhere

There was an old man meditating right next to us

It was HOT and HUMID

Picnic-ing is Malaysia should be illegal.

February 1st 2010

2010-02-02T21:27:00.003+08:00

Woke up at 6.00 am

Couldn't get back to sleep

Went to 1U with eyebags

Slept while watching Fame

Saw a really cool jellybean machine

Decided to buy some jellybeans

Pulled the lever thingy

Watched excitedly as

Jellybeans streamed into the bag

Jellybeans, jellybeans, jellybeans.

Soon the whole bag was full of jellybeans

Went happily to the cashier to pay.

RM 50

For friggin jellybeans

Went home
Showed my sis the bag of jellybeans
And we were both excited

Till half of it spilled on the floor
And we both sat on the floor and cried

In short, it was a terrible day.

But somehow, she made it the best day of my life.

IT LIVES!!

2010-01-31T20:55:00.004+08:00

As promised
I shall now update my blog =)

First of all,

THANK YOU

To all my friends

Who trusted me

Who believed in me

Who supported me

I'm nothing without you guys.

OK!!
A few of my friends told me I was POPULAR

Let me get this straight.
I am absolutely NOT POPULAR

I don't even sell books for God's sake!!

Gosh I sure am getting lamer xD

Speaking of books,
Went to MPH with Barbs and her boss
(Her boss, not mine)

Yes Barbs has a boss =(
I'm not too happy about it

I asked her to fire her boss
But apparently you can't fire your boss

Sigh
What kind of world is this

Anyway,
I picked up a random book
It was entitled

"Help! My boobs are falling out!"

Awkward . . .

We also saw a book which interprets names

You won't believe what Rebecca means!!

It means

Ok I'll stop here for now.

Tomorrow is February 1st.
I'm scared.
Wish me luck.

My Manifesto

2010-01-24T19:22:00.002+08:00

1) Update my blog.

College, 1st Day

2010-01-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

So what did I learn in college today?

Not enough.

Have to go back tomorrow.

Ok rubbish aside,

I made lots of new friends today

I would be extremely happy in college

If it weren't for the retarded timetable

Which basically means that

Classes go on from 8.30am to 4.30pm

Non-stop except for a single one hour break

SUCKS

Except for Friday

Which ends at 12.25 which kinda rox

But what am I gonna do

Everyone'll still be in class

Even she won't wait for me =(

Anyway that's about it

I'll be blogging much less from now on

Let the games begin =(

Reunion

2010-01-10T16:24:00.005+08:00

And we sat there
And talked and talked and talked

Me, Chi Wen, Addy, Amy, Vellu.

There would've been more people
If it weren't for the dumb burning thingy

Honestly.
Those ppl can't do anything right.

I mean,

Why burn the churches??

They're not the buildings that scream into your ear 5 times a day at unearthly hours at levels wayyy exceeding the permitted noise level and wakes you up and you start cursing and you can't get back to sleep cause you're so worked up about it so you go to piss and become more pissed so you go back to bed and cover your head with your pillow and start screaming out swear words that make Peter Chao look like Dora the Explorer.

And then people ask me why I have black rings round my eyes.

AND my suspicions have been confirmed by Vellu, who lives almost along the same road.

THEY DID UPGRADE THEIR LOUDSPEAKER.

And trust me,

Upgraded loudspeaker + Tone-deaf guy = Unhappy residents

I think I wouldn't mind so much if it was Ne-yo using the loudspeaker.

But a tone-deaf guy who probably doesn't sing in the shower cuz he wants to save his lovely voice so that the whole world can hear him?

Epic pail.

And burning the churches?

Epic, epic pail.

Anyway, back to the subject.

So we talked about everything.
From Jeremy the Taliban guy in our class
To the lao shers who would spit in our faces while pronouncing Mandarin words

Speaking of which,
We were also marvelling the fact that
We had Mandarin classes from Standard 1 to Standard 6

And none of us can speak a word of Mandarin

I think it has something to do with the fact that
We drew bombs and aeroplanes on our exam paper

And of course,

Flyovers

Fly where?

Flyover.

Short : Reason #3

2010-01-09T10:43:00.001+08:00

Reason #3
Aspect covered : Health and Welfare

I'll make this quick
Cause I know I'm torturing everyone

Which is fresher?
The air on a mountain?
Or air in a crowded town?

My point is
Taller people breathe fresher air

While shorter people get air which is
Filled with pungent odours and other excretory gases

Basically more polluted air

Tall people = Fresh air
Short people = Polluted air

Done.
Point made.

I'm stopping at Reason #3 because of all the comments on my cbox indicating I might have depressified some people. And with that Short Week is prematurely closed.

It was a Short Week indeed.

Short : Reason #2

2010-01-08T10:00:00.002+08:00

Reason #2
Aspect covered : Social

I'll start this off with yet another quote from Bartholomew the esteemed philosopher.

"In this world, there are good people and bad people, and there are tall people and short people."

Today we won't be looking at the quote as a whole,
But rather the grammar and sentence structure of the quote.

As far as I'm concerned,
There doesn't seem to be any significant grammatical errors with the quote.

But look.

". . . good people and bad people

. . . tall people and short people."

There's your answer.

So we can either solve this the add maths way, or the literal way.

If add maths way, simple.

good people and bad people . . . 1
tall people and short people . . . 2

Compare 1 and 2

Therefore,

Tall = Good
Short = Bad

But since Amanda wants me to speak in English,

The literal way is even simpler.

By following parallelism,
It can be concluded that good is associated with tall and bad is associated with short.

So basically,
Indirectly we all feel that tall is good and short is bad

After all,

Don't we look up to tall people and look down on short people?

Short : Reason #1

2010-01-07T10:00:00.000+08:00

Reason #1
Aspect covered : Comfort

Quote Bartholomew, a renowned philosopher,

"If you are short, you are just one shit away from becoming a short shit."

Based on the above quote,
Short people find it harder to shit
Or simply refuse to shit
In fear of becoming a short shit.

This leads to immense discomfort,
Especially in the bowel and anal area.

Which in turn leads to
A serious case of SIC
(Self-Induced Constipation)

And even if the short person
Overcomes this mental barrier,

They are still more prone to constipation
Compared to taller people

Let X = Short person
And Y = Tall person

Let the distance between shit and anus = Z

Since X is shorter than Y,

X's distance between his shit and his anus, Z_X, is
Slightly but nevertheless significantly lower than
Y's distance between his shit and his anus, Z_Y, is

A lower Z value is equivalent to
A lower gravitational potential energy content in the shit

This lower gravitational potential energy is then converted
Into a lower kinetic energy content in X's shit

Therefore, the shit with the lower energy content
Required more external force from X in order to remove it

If the external force applied is insufficient,
X experiences constipation

To aggravate matters,
When external force is applied and no distance is covered,
Nutrients for growth are used up
And NO WORK IS DONE

Not just that,
In order to combat constipation,
X has to consume more fiber than Y

Therefore X will be too full
To consume enough protein for growth

A vicious cycle indeed.

Constipation sucks.

Thus, the short person's life will suck.

Shit.

Short Week

2010-01-06T08:00:00.000+08:00

A while ago boss posted smthin

5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Complain

About Being Short (Or Average Height)

Generally I didn't give much thought about it
Cause after all it's a matter of personal preference

But then she said that me n Russell were, quote,

"as tall as freaking pillars la"

Which is, sad to say,

UNACCEPTABLE

Therefore, for the next couple of days,

On behalf of all the short people,

I, Bartholomew Jiannifer Leong Jian Wei,

Hereby declare this week and the next as

SHORT WEEK

During the course of Short Week,

I shall present you with

5 Reasons Why You SHOULD Complain

About Being Short (Or Average Height)

My argument shall contain a complete and rational analysis of the disadvantages of being short (or average height). All arguments and points are based on a solid foundation, and each reason will cover one of the 5 fundamental aspects governing the quality of the life of an individual.

I shall present you with one reason at a time as to allow you to complete digest the huge amount of facts being forced into your brain.

Enjoy.

Interesting Websites

2010-01-05T10:55:00.009+08:00

For guys go here

The A-Z of manlihood and flowers

For girls go here

Taylor Lautner gets extra two packs??

O yeah . . .
My advertising skills are through the roof

Regardless,
Do visit those sites

Made by my fellow TT
I can guarantee greatness

GREATNESS GUARANTEED.

All I got for Christmas were

2010-01-04T20:35:00.005+08:00

Sry I haven't been posting lately
Been extremely busy

I know it's a lil late
But I wanted to tell you guys what I got for Christmas

1. A Lakers' loss to the Cavaliers

2. A skiing ant

Yeah it was a figurine of an ant skiing
When I first opened it I was like

o.O

But I said thanks anyway
Besides, it was nice of my aunt to give it to me

Then she said

"His name is Antonio"

Once again,

o.O

"Get it? ANTonio?"

Haha =)

So I didn't just get an ant for Christmas

I got an ant plus one corny joke =)

Much better.

I like my Antonio.

But then it got smashed on the flight back.

Happy New Yerrr

2009-12-31T17:26:00.007+08:00

Whoa

WHOA

HELLO PEOPLE

Yes it's me again

Before I continue

WHY IS MSIA SO HOT??

Italy was fine.

London was fine.
(Went there for 3 days)

Sry Sy Ying didn't see your msg =(
Didn't have Internet.

NO INTERNET FOR 12 DAYS

I bumped into Ken tho =)

We went skiing in Italy

Apparently the best part of skiing is
Taking out the ski boots once it's all done

Blablablablabla

Too lazy to blog about actual real life events

London I shall blog some other day

So what do I miss about Europe?

1. No sweat
2. Opening window in Europe = Turning on air-cond in Msia x 10
3. When I cough I feel like an old dragon cuz smoke comes out
4. Able to wear cool long sleeve shirts and jackets
5. My obese Asian snowman

Why was it obese?
Cuz there was so much snow

Why was it Asian?
Cuz I couldn't find anything else for the eyes

After I finished I was like

Hey . . . He does look a bit like Edward Cullen

Yeah ACCEPT THE FACT
Edward Cullen is a snowman

Look.

Snow is white
Edward is white

Snow is cold
Edward is cold

Snow is beautiful
Edward is "beautiful"

Snow sparkles under the sun
Edward sparkles under the sun

Told ya.

And what do I miss about Malaysia?

1. Friends
2. Gym
3. Internet
4. Basketball
5. The ability to go anywhere in boxers*

*anywhere = only theoretically

Yes, friends.

Happy Birthday Barbs

2009-12-22T01:00:00.000+08:00

To the one and only Barbs

Even if we don't see each other again

Even if we hate each other next time

Even if we totally forget about each other

You'll always be the girl I went to prom with

I dare say that even God can't change that

Happy, Happy Birthday

الانتظار في المطار

2009-12-19T11:09:00.007+08:00

إن الكلمات التي سوف تقرأها هي صحيحة وحقيقية. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات إن الكلمات التي سوف تقرأها هي صحيحة وحقيقية. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات موجهة مباشرة من قلب الله. إن الله يحبك وهو الآب الذي لطالما كنت تبحث عنه في حيات اضغط هنا لتتعرف على أصولهم يوجد حالياً. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات إن الكلمات التي سوف تقرأها هي صحيحة وحقيقية. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات وجهة مباشرة من قلب الله. إن الله يحبك وهو الآب الذي لطالما كنت تبحث عنه في حيات اضغط هنا لتتعرف على أصولهم يوجد حالياً. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات إن الكلمات التي سوف تقرأهقيقية. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات وجهة مباشرة من قلب الله. إن الله يحبك وهو الآب الذي لطالما كنت تبحث عنه في حيات اضغط هنا لتتعرف على أصولهم يوجد حالياً. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل دحيحة وحقيقية. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات وجهة مباشرة من قلب الله. إن الله يحبك وهو الآب الذي لطالما كنت تبحث عنه في حيات اضغط هنا لتتعرف على أصولهم يوجد حالياً. وسوف تغيّر حياتك إن سمحت لها بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات إن الكلمات التي بأن تعمل داخلك فهي كلمات إن الكلمات التي سوف تقرأها هي صحيحة وحقيقية. وس

Nahh just kidding
I'm in the Dubai airport now (transit)

So I decided to blog a lil since I have 5 hours here
And guess what

EVERYTHING WAS IN ARABIAN

Ok fine not everything

But the important things like
Create new post, etc, all Arabian
Damn.

Since I removed the bar thingy in my blog
Here's Barbs' blog instead
I use her blog whenever I wanna write a new post
Yay her I guess

So notice the top bar thingy
ARGH
Thus I began my journey clicking on every damn Arabian button

Wowow
One of the pages I ended up in
Hardcore Arabian

Oh, by the way,
I'm sitting on a hard marble floor
And before this I was sitting in a cramped up airplane seat

My ass hates me
I just know it

Oh before I leave
I supposed I should say something bout prom

IT WAS AWESOME

Thanks Barbs =)

Ok then see you guys the next time I find another Wifi hotspot

EDIT : For some reason or another I can't use any of the cboxes. So pls don't be offended or anything if I don't reply.

SEE YA!!

2009-12-18T10:45:00.002+08:00

My last post before I head to prom
Then to Italy right after that

If any post DOES come out, however

It means it's been pre-programmed

Well then see you later
(For those of you going to prom)

And for those not going
I'll see you when I see you

Ok bye

iPhone Hair

2009-12-17T15:00:00.000+08:00

Ahhh exercise =)
It's like drugs but legal

But I'm sure no one wants to hear me blab bout exercise

Was thinking of getting an iPhone

Cuz my WALKMAN phone can't play MUSIC

And keeps changing it's ringtone randomly

No, that's not one of the features

So I went to YouTube to check it out

Now I'm having second thoughts
It couldn't even survive 6.66 minutes in a microwave!

The two dudes having seconds thoughts :

"Wait, wait, why are we doing this again?

This thing works perfectly fine!"

"Cuz Apple's the Devil."

"Oh ok."

Just so you know I wasn't kidding

Was having a look at the "zombie night" photos just now

That was when I discovered something cool

My hair has a high tendency of appearing in photos I'm not supposed to be in

Wow, talk about talent

Check this out

Spot the hair

I have no idea why Tze seems to be prodding at me.

*long range prod*

Don't even ask what I was doing.

So my talents are only limited to group photos, huh?

Think again.

Desert Desserts

2009-12-14T19:01:00.007+08:00

Deserts are cool.
Unless you're stuck in one.

But then again
Being stuck in a desert gives you many privileges

Like being able to :
- Drink your own piss
- Do a rain dance
- Laugh like a maniac
- Spit at camels
- Make sandcastles
- Swear at nobody in particular
- Walk around completely naked

Without being deemed mentally insufficient

Which reminds me of this joke I told the TTs a while ago

Name?

Muhammed

Sex?

3 times a week

No, I mean male or female?

Doesn't matter, sometimes with camel

Hmmm

Cactus sofa for the basement?

Cactus Energy Bar

Feel the Sahara Desert within you!

Ingredients :
- Cactus (Duh)
- Sahara sand (Increases texture and crisp)
- Camel eyelashes (Latches in your throat and chokes you)
- Durian paste (Makes you heaty)
- Beer (Works with durian paste)
- Vodka (Makes you see mirages)
- Concentrated sulphuric acid (Dehydrating agent)

Instructions :
1. Put everything in a blender.
2. Turn on the blender.
3. Turn off the blender.
4. Pour the paste thingy on a concrete pavement that receives a lot of sunlight.
5. Allow paste to solidify.
6. Sprinkle anhydrous calcium chloride on bar to remove all water.
7. Store in the dryest, hottest place in your house.
8. Serve smoking hot.

WARNING : DO NOT CONSUME WITH WATER

Mouth

2009-12-13T15:00:00.001+08:00

SMSing each other

Me : Dude hw was your operation?

Russell : They had to remove my whole mouth from my face cause there was a bad infection.

Blablablablabla . . . .

Me : Are you at home or in a hospital now?

Russell : I'm eating pork porridge at a restaurant. Why?

-1 for lying to me.

+1 for eating pork porridge.

-1 + 1 = 0

Russell = 0

It says so in his MSN

Basement room update :

Well I think I made major progress.
Shifted the boxes from A to D,
where D is the area outside the toilet.

Which means I can't use the toilet
But who cares
I'll just shit on the floor

After I got rid of the boxes
The sweeping and mopping began

Did you know the floor is actually parquet?
Yeah it was the first time I actually saw the floor.
The ACTUAL floor, I mean.

Should be done with the cleaning by today.

Then comes the fun part,
Arranging the furniture

Any ideas?

Tze's House, Tour Guide

2009-12-11T19:23:00.007+08:00

Went to tze's house yesterday

Thank you Tze for everything
Thank you Choon for the NBA 2k10 (It doesn't work)
Thank you Barbs for the body shop soap, shampoo, conditioner, and

toothbrush

Don't worry I didn't use it to brush any peripheral devices
So day before yesterday
I went to have a look at Taylors after bball
I managed to maintain a mature composure
Till the woman said Sejarah n Moral were compulsory

I shouted.

No, I mean really shouted.

Like AHHHHHHH

And the whole ground floor turned to look at me

I know, embarassing.

But still,

FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA FUCK MALAYSIA Screw Malaysia.

Anyway, the best part was the tour

It took maybe . . . 1.5 hours?

Why so long?

Quote the tour guide (a student)

"And these are some chairs. Students sit here to talk."

"And over here we have some tables. Students can eat here or put their laptops here."

"Oh, come over here. Here we have even more tables and chairs. Students can sit here and use the tables."

"This is the library, students can borrow books from here. Students can also return their books here."

"And here in the library we have some tables and chairs, where students can sit down to talk (quietly) or study or use their laptops."

"And here is the noticeboard, where notices are pinned up."

"And here is the vending machine, where you can buy drinks and snacks."

etc, etc, etc, for 1.5 hours

Ok just to make it clear
I'm not insulting the tour guide or anything

Just that it was one of those

No duh . . . moments

He was a great guy
Actually willing to take us around the campus

So thank you, tour guide/student =)

Furniture

2009-12-09T18:24:00.005+08:00

You know when you shift house
Half of your furniture seems to disappear mysteriously?

So where did all these furnitures go?

They all died and went to hell.

But don't worry all you furniture-enthusiasts!!
There's still a way to save em!!

Which brings us to today's story

Today I was exploring my house
When I suddenly remembered that good ol' basement I always wanted to live in
Yeah screw me for being weird and wanting to live in a basement

So off I went to the basement =)
Cuz my house's basement isn't directly connected to the house
So I had to walk all the way to the other end

And take this long flight of stairs

Down . . .

Down . . .

Down . . .

I was already suspecting something
Cuz the stairs were covered in vines n staglamites & tites
No I'm not kidding

And it was getting HOT

HOT HOT HOT

Something was wrong.

But who cares I went anyway

Then WOOHOO
Reached the basement

After I stopped choking on the dust that was hanging in the air waiting to be inhaled

Boy oh boy was there a sight to behold

There was FURNITURE there
Lots and lots of em

Dead furniture.
Skeletons of their glorious past.

And then it struck me

WOW

This place is huge

It has . . .

POTENTIAL

Did a quick scan of the room

Tables.

Chairs.

Sofas.

Paintings.

TELEVISION.

So much for us citizens of the overworld (my family) always complaining about our house only having one TV

What the heck.
If I could clean up this shithole
I could probably live here without having to buy furniture

Easier said than done =(
After all,
It was like converting hell to heaven

The boxes somehow kept respawning
No matter how many I threw away
They kept reappearing

The same could be said about the walls and floor.
Paint peeling off the walls
Floor not even visible
(cuz of the layer of dust almost as thick as the earth's crust)

So basically my whole day was like

*sweep sweep*

*mop mop*

STOP

Workout

*sweat sweat*

Continue cleaning

*sweep sweep*

*mop mop*

*move boxes from A to B*

*move boxes from B to C*

*move boxes from C to A*

Oh.
No wonder the boxes never disappeared

Anyway, it's gonna be a loooooong week

Hopefully next time y'all can come visit my RTM crib

Hehe. Get it?

Like MTV crib but lousier xD

I'm lame.

Quote myself,

"If I stay in the basement long enough I'll become a vampire and girls will like me."

Addy : Oh dear.

And Addy remember your promise xD

PS : If you're wondering why I didn't mention anything bout SPM, it's cuz I've decided to pretend the whole damn thing never even happenned. It was just a nightmare and I just woke up.

Tomorrow

2009-12-07T20:45:00.008+08:00

Even if tomorrow is the worst day ever

Tomorrow will still be the best day ever

I shall get over it

2009-12-06T21:28:00.003+08:00

Before I start I would like to thank Tze
Last night my blog sprung a leak
As in HTML codes leaking outta everywhere
Must have had smthin to do with my careless coding >.<

So thank you Tze for being a great plumber
Well actually you didn't fix it but anyway

Oh yeah I just remembered I was supposed to write smthin about SPM papers
But I'm too lazy to write about 3 SPM papers so I shall only talk about 1

Guess which one =.=

No duh I'm sure you've heard me complain about it a bazillion times

So bare with me for one last time

After today I shall let the matter drop
As I have acknowledged the fact that
The people who set our papers were all m**** m****s
Guess the words ^^

Yes, it's the infamous

BIO PAPER 2

SCREW THE 2 HEADED RETARD
SCREW YOU SCREW YOU SCREW YOU

Anyway instead of hearing me rant,
I'm sure you would enjoy it more
If I put it into a story

Here goes.

Characters

Mama Juana
Main protagonist. Mother of Coyotoyota.

Coyotoyota
FEMALE baby. Daughter of Mama Juana and Uncle Juan Tomas.
Yes Juana cheated on Kino.
It's because Kino's pearls were too small.

The Doctor
Faggot who got an A+ for Bio in SPM and thought that he was so smart that he became a doctor right after secondary school.

Leah Dizon
Hot chick.
Too bad now she's . . . ahh can't say it =(

Scene I
The doctor is watching a YouTube video when suddenly Mama Juana adds him as a contact on MSN. He accepts and they immediately begin a conversation.

Mama Juana says :
Doctor doctor! Coyotoyota is sick!! HELP!!

The Doctor says :
Sorry I'm a fat bitch I ain't helping you.

Mama Juana says :
Fine be that way.

Mama Juana has left the conversation.

The Doctor says :
Okok sorry!! I jk oni la. Come lemme see I'm damn bored.

Mama Juana says :
Oh must see one arh? I left her at home lol.

The Doctor says :
Nvm I got A+ in SPM for Bio don't worry.

Mama Juana says :
So?

The Doctor says :
Ummm you got pic of her arh? I was trained to diagnose just by looking at pics xD

Mama Juana says :
Wowow awesome ^^ Wait arh I go find in My Documents first

The Doctor says :
Kk

Scene II
The Doctor continues watching his YouTube video while waiting for Juana to look for a photo.

Mama Juana says :
Ehhh sry my comp kena virus lerr

The Doctor says :
=.="

Mama Juana says :
T.T so now how??

The Doctor says :
Wait a minute if you're at ur comp now doesn't that mean ur at home now??

Mama Juana says :
No la I'm on my laptop. Drinking coffee at Starbucks now =)

The Doctor says :
Wtf ur baby dying oso got time to drink

Mama Juana says :
Ehh shaddap la just help me save my baby. If I describe her to you can or not?

The Doctor says :
Eh please la. I got A+ for Bio for SPM. Who u think I am? Sure can laaa

Mama Juana says :
^^ Ok umm she was ok this morning when suddenly she started puking. Then she got up and pissed all over my face. I got so angry that I beat her up and she collapsed.

The Doctor says :
Ok . . . and why r u telling me this? I just need to know how she LOOKS like.

Mama Juana says :
Uhh let's see . . . you could say she's a happy child? Err always smiling? Oh she has two heads btw.

The Doctor says :
ALWAYS SMILING?? DID YOU SAY ALWAYS SMILING?? OMGGG IS SHE UGLY??

Mama Juana says :
Yes she's a happy child ^^ No! of course she's not ugly!

The Doctor says :
Is she hotter than Leah Dizon?

Mama Juana says :
Who?

The Doctor says :

So who?

Side note : With that one pic I have just owned the whole of tze's "wings" blog.

Mama Juana says :
o.O wtf la Coyotoyota's not even two . . . Leah's hotter I guess

The Doctor says :
HAH!! UR BABY HAS DOWN SYNDROME!! HAHAHAHA!! LOSER!!!!

Mama Juana says :
But . . .

The Doctor says :
NO BUTS!! COYOTOYOTA HAS DOWN SYNDROME SHALALALALA~~~

The Doctor has just sent Mama Juana a nudge.

The Doctor has just sent Mama Juana a nudge.

The Doctor has just sent Mama Juana a nudge.

The End.

My Nee (Screw the silent 'K')

2009-12-05T20:07:00.009+08:00

Woooot
So yesterday I went to the sports doctor

Blablabla yadayadayada

OMG MY KNEE'S FKED UP!!

But guess what
I betted with my dad on the prognosis before we went to the doc
I said I bet I have patella tendonitis

He's like
No impossible
It's (someweirdmedicalterm)

Then when the doc saw me
He was like
Hmmmm

"Patella tendonitis."

Then a loud "HAH" came outta my mouth
It flew right out and pierced through my dad

Hey hey people
I know it was uncalled for and extremely weird
Especially in public
It just flew outta my mouth

Spur of the moment, I guess

But it's not everyday you own a surgeon in his own field
Especially if he's your DAD

Woohoo =)

But my happiness flew away as soon as it came

"No sports for two months young man."

My jaw almost crashed to the ground and broke the floor, causing the floor which was actually the ceiling of the bottom floor to crumble, killing 54 and injuring 1(me). The tremor from the shock radiated and short-circuited the power supply, causing a total blackout, and the patients who were recently injected with iodine-131 died of a heart attack after seeing some glowing substances in their body.

In other words,

The whole world went blur as the doctor (my dad's ex-colleague) chatted excitedly with my equally enthusiastic dad about some stem cell research (something to do with injecting something along the bloodstream to maximize regeneration)

Lol don't worry
Emo shit is banned in my blog
So we skip to the stupid part (which never actually happenned)

Did you know that patella tendonitis
Is also called jumper's knee?

Yes, cuz the main cause of it is the frog jump
And other jumps as well

So I have my coach to thank for making me frog jump from one end of the football field to the other end and back

(this isn't part of the stuff that never actually happenned)

Anyway,
So I told the doc

"But I'm not even a Jumper!!"

He was like . . . lame =.="

But honestly

I jump from one end of the field to the other and back everyday and I get jumper's knee

This asshole jumps from

England

(drink tea)

Egypt

(sit on pyramids)

Rome

(eat gelato)

Kazakhstan

(get whipped by chicks)

Africa

(feed the hungry)

Antartica

(feed the polar bears)

Dunno where

AND HE DOESN'T GET JUMPER'S KNEE

GENIUS

PURE GENIUS

However, I admit

It'd be pretty cool if I was a jumper

Imagine

It's one of those cold cold nights
You're sleeping soundly
When suddenly you have to piss

Now, if I were a normal human,
I'd just walk to the toilet

But if I were a JUMPER,
I'd jump all the way to some fancy toilet in Paris

Yeah the ones that say

"Le monsieur le peepee"

Ahhh toilets . . .

*PSSSSSSSSSST* (Sound of free-falling water)

Maybe I should just take up lawn bowling.

Succumbed to Peer Pressure

2009-12-03T22:44:00.009+08:00

ARE YOU PEOPLE HAPPY NOW??

Can't even let a poor Barty renovate his blog in peace

Within hours of closing the blog :

"Waaah. Jian won't let me in =( "

"Aiyoh Jian such a terrible friend >=( "

"Don't wanna talk to Jian anymore"

"Jian what's wrong with you??"

"Screw you, Jian, screw you"

Within 1 day of closing blog :

"Hmmm . . . suspicious"

"Could be up to no good"

"Could he be . . GASP"

"OMG HE IS!!! OMGOMGOMG!!!"

"OMGGGGG!! JIAN YOU NAUGHTY BOY!!!"

"TEEEHEEE"

Within days of closing the blog :

"Ehh bro, come here for a while"

"You closed your blog, didn't you"

"Lemme tell you smthin pal. If you don't reopen your blog,

I'll stick a straw into your eye and suck out your cornea"

Culprits, you know who you are

I hope you all get nosebleeds

Nosebleed, anime style

Erm, I mean that in a good way

As in good nosebleeds

Like the ones where the blood that comes out

Actually contains all the toxins and other shit

Basically detoxifying nosebleeds =)

Ahh hell

Fine I hope you don't get nosebleeds

Oh wait

Now that's positive

Fine I don't care if you get nosebleeds or not

Wait. That's just mean

Fine I hope I get a trampoline for my birthday

HEY HEY I WAS JUST KIDDING!!

Don't buy me a friggin trampoline for my bday

So now you're looking around wondering

WHERE ARE THESE SO CALLED RENOVATIONS?!!

Sad story =(

--Stuff not worth reading--

Well at first I renovated it without holding back

Then when I was done it was awesome =)

But all those renovations came with a price

My blog started loading 2 SECONDS SLOWER!!

2 FRINGGIN SECONDS!!!

Yes I counted

Hence the derenovation began

Bla, bla, bla basically back to square one again

And I also realised

What the heck ppl don't come here to SEE my blog

They come here to READ my blog

--End of stuff not worth reading--

So stay tuned

Tomorrow : Top 3 SPM papers of 2009

CLOSED

2009-11-12T20:48:00.008+08:00

And with that, this blog is officially closed.

NOTE : WHEN YOU ARE READING, IF A WORD DOESN'T RHYME,
SAY IT IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT WILL RHYME. THANK YOU.

To everyone,

Good luck for SPM

School's final exam

Then M'sia we can condemn

Don't nidda give a damn

Chem : Potassiem

Bio : Apical Meristem

Phy : 10N = 1 Kilogram

Sej : Ahmad Boestamam

After SPM

We go eat lamb

Karaoke Eminem

Get stuck in traffic jam

Listen to Hitz.fm

8 December, 8 pm

I'll be back to spam

Sejarahless

2009-11-10T19:18:00.006+08:00

I had an 18-SG nightmare last night.

Of bloody fingers and SPM.

I shall not elaborate.

Anyway today I was thinking

I HATE SEJARAH
I HATE SEJARAH
I HATE SEJARAH
I HATE SEJARAH
I HATE SEJARAH

Then I wondered
Would a world without Sejarah
Be a happy one?

No need to memorize bullshit
No need to stress and suffer
No need to become bald at 16

Right? Right? =)

WRONG

Hear this story
Of a boy who lived
In a world without Sejarah
And once you change ur mind
You can let me know =)

Story

Hello everyone,
My name,
Is Bartay.

I live in a world without Sejarah,
And this, is my story.

And I lived happily ever after.

~End~

YEAH RIGHT
A WORLD WITHOUT SEJARAH IS

UTOPIA

Having said that

Good luck to everyone for SPM
Especially for Sejarah

Tomorrow shall be my last post.

Twinkle twinkle Twinkletots

2009-11-09T19:59:00.012+08:00

Saw xiaoyun's blog just now
Came across this

Well since it's here
I obviously stole it
Sry xiaoooooo(yun)

But then again it has me in it
So technically it's part mine, no?

One day my way of thinking will land me in jail

Anyway . . .
XIAOYUN CALLED US THE YET-TO-BE-NAMED GANG!!
Which is practically criminal

So today I would like to introduce to y'all

The Twinkletots gang

Founded by Mdm Aza
Initially 4 members
Then 2 more came in

We are labelled TT1-TT6
It's like our barcode

Without further ado,

(TT1) Leong Jian Wei
Likes : Kobe Bryant
Hates : Shuun Mui

Soooo yeah.
That's me.

Err,
Rough ER, Smooth ER.
Sry studied bio today =/

(TT2) Choi Choon Lian
Likes : Exotic dances
Hates : LeBron James

Ahhh Mr. Ballsack (choondoi)
Wad can I say about him

For one,
He has an EXTREMELY SHARP chin

And he uses this chin of his
To bore holes in my head

Quote,

"EH BOZZZZZZZZ."

(TT3) Kenneth Kwan
Likes : Peace
Hates : AirAsia

Oooo it's kenny boy =)
My brothaaa
Actually they all are
But anyway

Peace-loving kenny
Still find it funny
Ironically he's the taekwondo expert
Who supplies us with the moves
We use to beat each other up
Peace-loving indeed

Why does he hate AirAsia?
Because, quote,

"Their seats are so small."

(TT4) Jonathan Ong
Likes : Holes
Hates : Clothes

Only one word to describe this guy.

Amazing.

12-time Asshole of the Month for this year.

Holds a Guinness World Record for
"Most screwed-up internal body thermometer"

Scientists analyzed his body and found that
Cold receptors were practically non-existent.

He has different quotes at different temperatures

At room temperature
*pushes someone's pencilbox off the table*
*watches it fall down*

"Oh look! Gravity ^^"

At freezing point (-126^.C)

"Eh fking hot la turn on the damn fan."

(TT5) Wong Yuan Hong
Likes : Music
Hates : Light

"YOU'RE ALL GAYY"
Man i love that xD
Still can't get over it

Our one and only
Mr. Stone

Interesting case, I must say
Highly photophobic, hence,
Exhibits strong phototropism negative

Oh, he runs fast btw
The Rolling Stones were named after him.

Anyway he's my SAT buddy
So . . . hope to see him in US xD

And hong's quote is . . .
"Really arh?"
(duh . . .)

(TT6) Justin Loh
Likes : 5W
Hates : Sejarah

Our newest member
The most sane TwinkleTot

I REALLY dig his thinking
Sejarah really sux

Ummmm
Quote,

"I'm in TwinkleTots mehh??"

So that's it.
Hopefully next year we can all meet up
And form the TaylorTots.

Anyway,
Late happy bday to yong
Sry wuz gonna post this yesterday
But stoned halfway.
Nevertheless,
Sejarah sux.

Perasantedness

2009-11-08T21:54:00.001+08:00

*signs in to MSN*

Oh look!
30 unread messages!

And to think I just checked my mail 12 hours ago

By golly I sure am popular ^^

I mean, I knew I was popular,
But I didn't know I was THAT popular
Till people would actually write mails to me

*loading inbox . . .*

Okay!!

Let's see =)

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WRM Customer Services

Screw you Facebook
For misleading me.

Screw you WRM Customer Services
I don't want to join Who-Remembers-Me.com
Come on I just graduated last week
Don't tell me everyone forgot me already . .

Oh wait . . .

Fear sinks in . . .

SO TELL ME PEOPLE

DO YOU STILL REMEMBER ME??

Damn, I already know the answer T.T

And I know wad Choon's gonna say xD

Never Believe Assays

2009-11-05T20:03:00.010+08:00

Well I took this personality disorder test thingy last night

Apparently I'm :
- paranoid
- schizotypal
- borderline
- narcissistic
- obessesive

Which makes me wonder why I am busy studying for SPM now when I should be chilling out at Tanjung Rambutan drinking smoothies

If you wanna try this test
You can take it here
Do try it
I'm curious to know
How retarded you guys are xD

This test is courtesy of Barbs
Who, btw, is suicidal and overly-dependent
Don't die Barbs =(

Okay . . .
Today's topic
I shall be talking about
(God forgive me)
The NBA

NO NO NO

DON'T LEAVE JUST YET!!

It's nothing about basketball!!

I just wanted to talk about
Some of the retarded names of some NBA teams

First up,
We have the Indiana Pacers

Do you even know what 'pacer' means
I tell you what it means
According to the online dictonary

"A horse trained to pace"

=/

OH LOOK
IT'S THE INDIANA PACERS
THEY'RE GONNA PACE THEIR WAY TO THE FINALS!!

Might as well call themselves Indiana Infants

Oh wait
How bout
Indiana Jones

Damn I'm lame

So rule number 1 to having a successful NBA franchise :
DON'T GIVE YOUR TEAM A CRAPPY NAME

And then we have teams like
Washington Wizards and Orlando Magic

Tell me
Do you need to play basketball
To decide whether a wizard or magic will win?

COME ON

Like RWJ says,

"Spiderman ejaculates from his hands."
(Sorry Clement xD)
Yeah well,

Wizards ejaculate magic from their sticks

So who do you think will win,
The ejaculator or the ejaculatee?

Which brings us to rule number 2 :
DON'T GIVE YOUR TEAM NAMES LIKE WASHINGTON PENIS AND ORLANDO SPERM cuz it's just PLAIN DUMB

Oh yes,
We also have teams like the
Utah Jazz

Whose team emblem is essentially a music note

Hehe
I shall say no more

Hence, rule number 3 :
IF YOU'RE GONNA NAME YOUR TEAM JAZZ GO PLAY IN A NIGHTCLUB NOT IN A STADIUM

And finally we have
My beloved
L.A. Lakers

Love indeed.

As much as I love it

WTF IS A LAKER?!!

SOME GUY THAT GOES TO LAKES?!!

ARE THERE EVEN ANY LAKES IN L.A.?!!

Enough said.

Not to mention when there are teams like
OKC Thunder

Hellooo~
Water conducts electricity~

Someone hasn't been playing enough Pokemon

But then again the Lakers eat the Thunders for breakfast
So it's all good ^^

Rule number 4 :
IF YOU WANT A SUCCESSFUL BASKETBALL TEAM, GIVE IT A NAME LIKE THE LAKERS

Hmmmm
I have a great idea

I should start an NBA team
I'll name it Barty Burgers

This will be my starting line-up :

Barty Burgers Starting Line-up

PG : -
SG : Kobe Bryant
SF : -
PF : -
C : Leong Jian Wei

Why only two players, you ask?
Cuz by the time I buy Kobe I'll have no more money left, duh

And if all doesn't go well

Kobe and I can always go sell burgers on the roadside

TO ALL ANGRY NBA FANS, READ THE DISCLAIMER BEFORE YOU THROW SHIT AT MY WINDOW!!

Disclaimer : All the stuff I just said is pure bullshit. The Orlando Magic got into the Finals last season. Washington Wizards is really strong. So is the Utah Jazz. Lakers, enough said. Pacers, no comment. Come on, if the names really portrayed the team, then the Cleveland Cavaliers would be the Cleveland Cleavages. (That's for you, Choon, for making me write this post) And sorry Clement, your post will have to wait xD this post is too long.

To Eli

2009-11-04T18:51:00.004+08:00

THIS is fat.

Can you hurry up and read this

Cuz I wanna take it down.

It's disgusting.

Harsh Geeky Reality

2009-11-02T22:27:00.011+08:00

I was ~~ecstatic~~ devastated
680 for reading, 650 for writing, and 770 for maths
Total score : 2100
Required score : 2300

But I will never give up
It's MIT, by hook or by book
Always has been, always will be

Drastically improve my writing,
Work like crazy on my reading,
And

MIT HERE I COME!!

Or so I thought.

Checked the website

Currently I had a 12% chance of getting in.
If I maxed out all my scores,
I'd have a 20% chance.

Bummer.

COME ON!!

ALL I WANT

Is to be an MIT-going geek

Who wears thick specs and checkered shirts

Who spends half his lifetime in front of the comp

Who is so nerdy people shy away from him

Who plays with his Buzz Lightyear action figure o.O

Who speaks to his friends in *beep beep beep* language

Who tells them jokes in C++ and JavaScript

Why must this world be so hard on a geek wannabe

Fine laugh all you want

Geeks are cool.

10010111011011101001000110101011

Alrite before I stop,

Here's a geeky joke that only geeky bananas will understand xD

I LOLed hard at that. Does that make me a geek?

PS : I just read some MIT pick-up lines.

Note, these have actually been used in MIT.

"Do you have a library card? 'Cause I'm checking you out."

"Babe, can I be your DNA helicase? 'Cause I want to unzip your genes."

"I wish I were a derivative, so I could be tangent to your curves."

"Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors."

"You and I add up better than a Riemann sum."

"I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl."

"Baby, you and I must be two isotopes of deuterium because our fusion is as hot as the sun."

Ok now I'm a bit freaked out.

Hello Hell-O Halloweenie the Pooh

2009-10-31T17:41:00.007+08:00

Happy Halloween everyone!!

I found out that Halloween is actually a Celtic festival

And waddaya know
Today the Celtics ate the Bulls for breakfast
(Read more in my new Barty's NBA Corner)

Halloween is one of my favourite festivals
Though I don't celebrate it

Cuz it's associate with black and orange
Which are the same colours as my Walkman phone
Which breaks down a lot

Which makes me break up with it

Haha, get it? Break down break up? xD

No.

Oh, and also
Don't you dare touch the pumpkins

Since Barbs is saving the turtles
And Eli is saving the sharks

Everyone's too occupied to even bother bout the poor old pumpkins

So, it is my responsibility as a pumpkin soup lover
To educate the public on the pumpkin abuse
That is going on around us as we speak.

Lastly

Happy birthday Tze!! To commemorate your bday I shall give you a taste of your own medicine. Ha! Take that!! Hmmmm. That's it I guess. I'm just making this longer cuz you will get more headache the longer this thing is cuz you have more small and hard to read words. So happy birthday again. Oh, and at least I didn't use fluorescent colours that will burn the eyes. Ok I better stop typing now cuz I'm getting a headache trying to squint to see what I'm writing. I should've written everything first then only resized it. Darn. Geeeez.

2009-10-30T14:20:00.013+08:00

Ever come across one of these?

HEY THERE!!

WANNA EARN SOME FAST BUCKS??

SAY 12 NAMES IN UNDER 30 SECONDS

AND STAND A CHANCE TO WIN

500 MILLION DOLLARS IN CASH

Names that might be tested :

Bob, John, Jack, Jill, Ali, Abu, and so on!!

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??

Then you go sign up and . . .

This really hot chick tells you,

"Ok say this in under 30 seconds =)"

Yang di-Pertuan Agong Pertama Al-Marhum Tuanku Abdul Rahman ibni Al-Marhum Tuanku Muhammad, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kedua Al-Marhum Tuanku Hisamuddin Alam Shah Al-Haj ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Alaiddin Sulaiman Shah, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Ketiga Al-Marhum Tuanku Syed Putra ibni Al-Marhum Syed Hassan Jamalullail, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Keempat Al-Marhum Tuanku Ismail Nasiruddin Shah ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Zainal Abidin, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kelima Duli Yang Maha Mulia Al-Sultan Almutasimubillahi Muhibbuddin Tuanku Alhaj Abdul Halim Muadzam Shah ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Badlishah, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Keenam Al-Marhum Tuanku Yahya Petra ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Ibrahim, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Ketujuh Duli Yang Maha Mulia Sultan Haji Ahmad Shah Al-Mustain Billah ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Abu Bakar Riyatuddin Al-Muadzam Shah, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kelapan Duli Yang Maha Mulia Baginda Sultan Iskandar ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Ismail, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kesembilan Duli Yang Maha Mulia Sultan Azlan Muhibbuddin Shah ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Yussuf Izzudin Shah Ghafarullahu-lah, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kesepuluh Duli Yang Maha Mulia Tunku Jaafar ibni Al-Marhum Tuanku Abdul Rahman, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kesebelas Al-Marhum Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Shah Alhaj ibni Al-Marhum Sultan Hisamuddin Alam Shah Al-Haj, Yang di-Pertuan Agong Kedua Belas Duli Yang Maha Mulia Tuanku Syed Sirajuddin Putra Jamalullail ibni Al-Marhum Tuanku Syed Putra Jamalullail.

1. Fk. I can't believe I just typed that.

2. That is not an essay on global warming, ok. It's 12 names.

3. Sometimes I wonder how they remember their own names.

4. Suddenly Moral nilais don't seem so intimidating after all.

5. Anti-ISA (or any other stupid Act) Statement

-- I am not, in any fkin way, insulting anyone or anything.

-- I fkin love my country and everything in it.

-- Don't catch me I'm sitting for your fkin SPM in 2 weeks.

Anyway if you somehow manage to say it all under 30 seconds

You get 1 dollar every year for 500 million years.

Sry just a lil pissed from studying 5 chapters of sej today =/

I think sej has many detrimental effects towards your brain and overall welfare

I wouldn't have used so many fks but . . .

I couldn't find a better adjective so yeah.

Peace. Piss. Please.

SAT Sample Question

2009-10-29T21:46:00.003+08:00

I just remembered one of the SAT questions
They asked me to interpret a graph
That looked something like this

Geez.
Looks more like pepper than a graph

I'm not kiddin
Ask Jia Sheng or Ken's sis
They took the test too

Oh yes on a side note

THANK YOU Boss for Roro
Now I have my very own Roro
Eat that Yi Sheng, Ka Sheng and all you other Shengs
xD

Bones and Guavas

2009-10-26T19:07:00.004+08:00

I think I saw my bone.
Or at least I hope I saw it.

It was white.

I was thrilled.

I said,

"Hi bone =)"

No reply.

Then I realised I was bleeding profusely.

So I went to shower.

Big mistake.

Anyway,

I told Ga.
He said,

"Everyone's bones are white."

Darn.

But, but,

I thought smokers' bones were yellow.

Thought for the Day

Are smokers' bones yellow?

Apparently if u eat shit your bones become brown.

So,

Don't eat shit.

Bullshit.

Cuz bullshitting is essentially removing waste products through less excruciating means, hence reducing the concentration of shit ions in your body, which in turn reduces the intensity of the brown colour of the bones.

Oh, and eat more beef too. So you can get bull ions to donate electrons to the shit ions and complete the octate structure. The bull ions and shit ions then form the ionic compound Bull (II) Shit. The compound is held together by a strong electrostatic force.

Equation : Bu²⁺ + Sh^2- ----> BuSh + CO₂ + H₂O

Catalyst : Booze

Booze is like Snooze.

The best button on the alarm clock.

Asses

2009-10-25T17:04:00.004+08:00

I read this book a long time ago
About asses that rebelled
Against years of cruelty towards them

You know what they did?
They switched places with the heads

So now the head has to fart, shit, and get buttsecked
While the ass gets to enjoy fresh air and comfort

I hope my ass doesn't do that to me
After all those ceramahs
And sitting in the lecture theater for hours

You better hope yours doesnt either.

MOSQUITOES!!!

2009-10-23T20:53:00.001+08:00

Well i was eating dinner as usual
When a mosquito comes n bites me as usual

I swear these mosquitoes have no life
Biting people everyday =/
Not just people actually
Biting everything

Anyway i go
"DAMN ALL YOU MOSQUITOES!!!"
My maid hears this
And she says

"Kat Indonesia ada orang namanya Mosquito."

o.O

Three cheers for random maid

i.like.toes

2009-10-21T23:14:00.001+08:00

Bread, Giraffe, Fingernail, Worm, Plastic bag, Surgery, Confetti, Ab, English Horn, Piramid, Shoes, Flying saucer, Medals, Drowning polar bear, Borosilicate glass, Telephone, Hickory Dickory Dock, Cube, Blinds, Tripod stand, Dragonfly, Smiley face, Pencil, Egg, Velcro, Cactus, Pillow, Hailstorm, Signboard, Scissors, Oyster, Traffic light, Braces, Bouncy ball, Ice, Guacamole, School bag, Clouds, Rubber band, Clock, Bonsai, Turban, Cellophane tape, Dictionary, Balloon, Doorknob, Blanket, ESP, Tree, Bronchiosaurus, Bronchus, String, MP3 player, Quotation marks, Maestro, Tsunami, Fox, Paratrooper, Basketball, Spoons, Lawn bowling, Parchment, Money, Puzzles, Toes,
Company, Guava, Special delivery, Bull Mastiff, Paperclip, Comic, Link, Yoga, Wire, Taco bell, Igloo, Tin, Chopstick, Triangle, Royal Queen of England, Dumbbell, Shalalalala, Bumblebee, Yoda, Oil Derrick, Wig, Perpetual motion, Gillyweed, Daddy Long Legs, Speech bubble, Hangman, Pumpkin pen, Oxygen tent, Boodbye, Gopodbye, Papyrus, Alice in Wonderland, Russell sprout, Crowbar, Periwinkle, White-bearded gnu, Mail, Angel playing a harp, Monopoly, Bamboo, Ohmygood, Toothbrush, Nutcracker, Scarf, Karaoke, Stapler, Airgun, Exclamation mark, Turkey vulture, Roof, Pocanhontas, Gelato, Crab, Pom-pom-po, Whale, Trombone, Mailbox, Tiger with five legs, Barbs.

i.like.toes Review

2009-10-21T22:30:00.009+08:00

OK!!!
Since the masterpiece above has dazzled everyone
I shall now review i.like.toes

The first thing I have to say about it
Which probably went unnoticed

THE i.like.toes POST IS A PERFECT SQUARE!!

Eat that, Achimedes, Pythagoras, and all you other loonies

Well that's it I guess
Nothing else to review =/

Oh, and my good fren choon mentioned
That it's a colour-blind test
So for y'all for want to test ur eyesight

Colour-blind test

1. Look at i.like.toes.
2. Write down or remember what you see.
3. Highlight the section below or press Ctrl + A.
(MAKE SURE YOU DO STEPS 1 AND 2 FIRST)

--COLOUR BLIND TEST RESULTS--

1 mark
If you saw a hot-air balloon

2 marks
If you saw a pink hot-air balloon

3 marks
If you saw a pink hot-air balloon and snow

4 marks
If you saw a pink hot-air balloon with an Irish shamrock on it and snow

5 marks
If you saw a pink hot-air balloon with an Irish shamrock on it and snow and an angel flying around at supersonic speed

0 marks
If you saw a lightbulb, parachute, or any other retarded thing that was not a hot-air balloon

--END OF COLOUR BLIND TEST RESULTS--

4. Refer to the thingy below to convert your marks into actual results.

Thingy
1 mark - If you looked at a rainbow all you'd see is a gray semicircle
2 marks - You can't drive cuz you won't stop at traffic lights
3 marks - Neither here nor there. Stop sitting on the fence, loser!
4 marks - Perfect vision xD Congrats!!
5 marks - Your vision is so perfect you can see rubbish
0 marks - Asshole.

Why go to America?

2009-10-18T21:53:00.010+08:00

Tun tun tun tun tun tun tun tun xD

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
And Venezuela too.

Taxi

2009-10-17T11:09:00.001+08:00

Outside 1U
There were about 200 ppl waiting at the taxi stand
And not a single taxi in sight

*sigh*

Gonna be a loooong day . . .

Somehow or rather
I ended up in the parking lot
And guess what??

I found an empty cab!!
With a driver in it, of course

So i thought
"Haha all u ppl who waited out there for 5 months and still couldnt find a cab"

Anyway i rushed there
Looked into the window
The uncle inside nodded
I smirked

Went inside
Sat down
Looked at him
Got looked at by him
He said

"你要去哪里?"

Shit.

To Barbs T.T

2009-10-16T21:46:00.005+08:00

I suck at Scissors Paper Stone >.<

Sesame Street

2009-10-12T22:17:00.018+08:00

Hello y'all
I just realised that
Sesame Street should be rated PG
That place is no place for kids

I'll try to keep it short xP

Barty discovers the evils of Sesame Street

Somehow or rather
I ended up in Sesame Street
Don't ask me hw i got there
Cuz i have no idea myself
So anyway,

Bad Influence #1 : Con-man

The first thing i see
Is this blue guy
Which freaks me out a little
Cuz he never stops talking

Anyway he goes like
"Hey bro wanna buy some fruits?"
And i'm like
"Why would i want to buy fruits?"

I end up buying the fruits

Oh, speaking of fruits,

Bad Influence #2 : Robbery, Obesity, Retarditidy

Ok so now im walking along Sesame Street
With this bag of fruits in my hands
And all of a sudden
Another blue retard comes right at me

But this time it's a real retard
I mean look at him
325 pounds of pure retard

So this dude
He jumps right at me
And he goes
"WHERE KOOKIE WEAR KUKI?!!!"
And i'm like
"Dude i dont have any cookies"
But he insists on having cookies

So in the end i give him my bag of fruits
And he's like

See what i mean?
Sesame Street is encouraging obesity

Oh yeah
For those of u who like baking (Eli)
Here's a little something
U can try baking =)

It's a Cookie Monster Muffin
Friggin awesome

Bad Influence #3 : Homosexuality

Once again
Im walking blablabla
Then suddenly i see

Can you say
G A Y ?
They're not just homo
They're not even of the same species!!
One guy's head is like a damn rugby ball
The other's is like corn on the cob

Bad Influence #4 : Gangsterism

I'm feelin a little hungry
So i go to some food stall
I order fried chicken

Suddenly this car zooms towards me
And throws an egg at me
I manage to catch a glimpse
Of the culprit

"Suck on that, motha ******!!"
He says
"That's wad u get for tryin to fry my croonies!!"

Then he zooms off

Don't mess with the Big B.

Bad Influence #5 : Pessimism (Emo)

Last week we had Emo Nemo
So this week we have
Emo Elmo

So after i've been assaulted by the Big B
I see this guy slitting his wrist
And enjoying every moment of it

Who could it be?

I say
"Hey dude, what's wrong?"

He goes
"WHY ARE U TALKING TO ME?? WHY? WHY?"

I say
"Hey chill, chill I was just trying to help."

He goes
"U HELP ME?! WHAT DO U KNOW ABOUT ME?!"

I say
"You're red and annoying."

And he says

"I hate my life."

I quickly say
"Whoa,whoa, dude!! But Nike says . ."

I killed Elmo.

I sat for SAT on Sat

2009-10-10T16:05:00.016+08:00

Woohoo!!
Trials over
SAT I over
Only SPM n SAT II to go!!
=/

Before i start
Thx 2 barbs for dedicating a post to me
Eventhough it was only 3 lines
N had a picture of some gay dude
I'm still touched
So touched i cried myself 2 sleep last nite
N lost so much water i became
A prune the next morning

N so with my eyes all puffy
From the crying
I hobbled off to Metropolitan College
Where the SAT was being held

A few days ago i asked Hong
Hey dude wad 2 wear there
He said
I wore shorts
So i said ok
I'll wear shorts too

When i reached there
I was surprised to see
Everyone dressed like Eskimos

Not a single pair of shorts in sight

Not just Eskimo clothing
Most of them were carrying backpacks
Filled with rations
Like they were goin on a rough journey
I was carryin a small little bottle of water
I saw all this
And i said to myself

"I'm screwed."

Before i even stepped into the exam room
I felt a strong zephyr (breeze) (it's a SAT word)
Like wind fresh from the Himalayas
I felt this
And i said to myself

But thank goodness my training payed off
What training, you may ask
Well if u have to sit next to someone like Jon
EVERYDAY
That's training, alrite

Everytime that dude feels hot
He turns on the fan to max
Unaware that me n (last time) hong
Are sitting rite under the fan
With the air-cond blowing straight at us

So it was no wonder
I barely felt anything after a while
I think its because my body went into
*John's being an asshole* mode
Meanwhile all them dudes n dudesses
In Eskimo-apparel are sneezing their heads off
One of them managed 13 consecutive sneezes

There was this agreement thingy
That we had to copy down n sign
Before starting
The usual stuff . . . I promise blablabla
The weird thing was
It had to be done in cursive o.O
Only cursive
So i asked the invigilator
Err do u mind if my writing is illegible?
He said
No it's fine
So since i couldn't write cursive
I took the closest writing to it
My Moral hand-writing

Ok anyway
First section was essay
25 friggin minutes
To write a better essay
Than i do in 1.5hrs in skool

But i think i did pretty well
Considering the fact
That i was half-asleep
I mean cmon
It was 8 sumthin in the morning
Even the flowers r still sleeping

Oh by the way
The invigilator looked a lot
Like Mr. Incredible
For some reason

Second section
Can't remember wad it was

Third section
Can't remember wad it was

Fourth section
Can't remember wad it was

Fifth section
Can't remember wad it was

Sixth section
Ok!!
Let's stop at this section for a while
I spent a hell lotta time on this sect
Nt cuz it was difficult
Bt becuz one of the questions
Had my name on it

I couldn't believe my eyes
So i kept readin it again n again
To make sure i wasnt hallucinating
After all
I had been sitting for the paper
For about 3 hrs now

Bt sure enuff it was written there
Somethin abt Mr. Bartholomew

Well at first i was like
Pfft Mr. Bartholomew
Cmon cant u guys use a less retarded name?
Like Mr. Kobe or Mr. Bryant

Then i was like
Oh wait
Thats my name
THATS MY NAME!!!
And i laughed to myself
And was so happy for those few minutes

Till i realised i was sittin for the SAT
N i had wasted 5 minutes on a 1 mark question

Bt anyway the question was abt
Mr. Bartholomew not wanting to buy some painting

Moving on . . .

Seventh section
Can't remember wad it was

Eighth section
Can't remember wad it was
Bt i was beginning to feel a lil dizzy

Ninth section
Can't remember wad it was
Wuz gonna faint
Just a lil more!!

Tenth section
Must . . . finish . . . paper . . .
Else . . . cant . . . go . . . see . .
Kobe . . . and his friends . . .

*DINGDONG*
*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
*CRUMPLE**CRUMPLE**CRUMPLE*
*STOMP**STOMP**STOMP*
*BOOM**BOOM**BOOM*
*BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM*
*chirp chirp*

(In American accent)
Awwwkay toimes ap
Poot yerr pansils dawn
Oi wilt naw stort kolleckthing
Ur paipurrs
'andfounes r knot too bee swiacthed awn
Untail yau ave eksaited da buildang

After collecting the papers

(In American accent)
Awwwkay yau mai naw eksait da rumm
Gau hoime n katch ap oin ur sleeip
Oi knaw oi willl =)

Ok before i end this
Thx to all who wished me good luck
Y'all wasted my phone bill ya know?
Nahh jz kidding thx. Seriously.

Also special thx to alyssa
Who got me an A1 for BM
While i was busy studying for SATs
Thx alyssa =)

Syair Negatif

2009-10-05T21:32:00.015+08:00

Pergi ke pasar beli roti,

Penjual roti sudah mati.

Terlihat seekor merpati,
Itu pun sudah mati.

Berakit-rakit di kolam,

Rakit saya tenggelam.

Kita semua anak Adam,

Adam tak pakai seluar dalam.

Ada angin ada pohonnya,
Ada berak ada punggungnya.

Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya,

Membunuh lelaki biarlah dari koo-koonya.

Selamat datang ke Masam-Masin,
Mari kita makan raisin.

Dan mati.

Emo Nemo.

Wahai rakan-rakan!
Kalian mungkin tertanya-tanya
Mengapa saya bertutur dalam BM

Hal ini demikian kerana
Saya gagal mendapat ‘A’ untuk
Mata pelajaran Bahasa Inggeris

Bagai aur dengan tebing

Walau bagaimanapun
Saya berjaya mendapat 'A' untuk
Mata pelajaran Bahasa Melayu

Bagai aur dengan tebing

Oleh sebab itu
Saya telah membuat keputusan
Untuk bertutur dalam BM
Kerana Bahasa Inggeris saya
Tidak cukup baik

Bagai aur dengan tebing

Saya akan menduduki menduduki pada menduduki
(I am sitting for SAT on Sat)

Bagai aur dengan tebing

Harap-haraplah
Saya boleh mencapai
Keputusan yang cemerlang
Supaya saya dpt pergi ke Amerika
Dan melihat aksi-aksi Kobe Bryant
Dan kawan-kawannya

Bagai aur dengan tebing

Plasticine

2009-10-03T09:00:00.007+08:00

Plasticine is underrated
Just because little kids dont know how to use it
Doesnt mean it's useless
Everybody uses plasticine
It's just that we dont see them use it
Yes, even professionals use it
Dont believe me?
Check this out
With plasticine,
The possibilities are endless

Top 10 Uses of Plasticine

#10 : As a fake handphone
Used by : People who lost their handphones

Normally i wouldn't include this on my list
Since its nt very useful
Bt since one of my frens lost his handphone
Yes, ken, im lookin at u
I decided that a fake handphone would be very useful indeed

With a fake handphone
U can go around showing off ur phone
Without having to be scared of ppl robbing u
Plus if u do get robbed
U can shout to the robber
HAHA U GT PWNED

Not just that
U can always have the latest phone
Without having to pay more
For example
If i want an iphone

An iphone i shall get =)

#9 : As earplugs
Used by : Wannabe deaf ppl

Sick of hearing ppl shout at each other?
Sick of all the fighting goin on in this world?
Sick of hearing chinese songs which u dont understand?

Stuff some plasticine up ur ears
Guaranteed to block out almost all noises

And as a cool effect
If u use black plasticine
It'll look like ur not usin earplugs at all
Then u can smile like a dumbass
While ppl try frantically to say things to u

Oh, n if u put the plasticine deeper into ur ear
Till u cant take it out anymore
U more or less become permanently deaf =)

#8 : Remote control jammer
Used by : Assholes

So if ur an asshole
N u like to irritate ppl
U can stick a bit of plasticine
On top of that lil infrared thing on the remote
Then the remote wont work

So for example
U can change the channel to
Playhouse Disney
N then jam the remote
Ur parents will be
Watchin playhouse disney the whole day =)

#7 : To induce nightmares
Used by : People who enjoy pissing in their bed, People who enjoy watching other people piss in their bed

This is one of the less user-friendly ways of usin plasticine
Bt if final destination n what not was not enough for u
Try looking at some plasticine be4 u go to sleep
I mean cmon

Dont tell me that lookin at this asshole wont give u nightmares
Cuz if u do i know ur lying

Of course
U dont have to do it to urself
Do it to ur fren
Do it to ur sibling
Do it to ur teacher
Do it to ur dog

Yes dogs can probably have nightmares too
Their kind of nightmare is probably like
They're chewin on a bone
N suddenly they realise they're chewin
On their own pelvic girdle or whatever
Yeah creepy i know
Dog nightmares > Human nightmares

#6 : To style ur hair
Used by : Hairstylists, Lalachais

See?

I told u professionals use plasticine
Gel is for noobs
Real men use plasticine

Why?
Cuz plasticine is 2-in-1
Its both gel and dye
N thats y professional hairstylists use plasticine

So lets say i want red spiky hair
No problem
I just use red plasticine

In fact
U can even use plasticine as a wig
If ur pro enough
I'd show u a pic
Bt u will get nightmares
So no pic

#5 : Capture, Mark, Release, Recapture Method
Used by : Biologists, Anti-Biologists

Wow
Plasticine can even be used in bio
For those of you who for some reason
Dont know what this method is
It's to determine population size of a certain animal
Basically u catch a bunch of, let's say, dogs
Mark them
Release them
Then catch another bunch of dogs
N count the marked ones
Yeah i know pretty dumb
Bt oh well

So for biologists
They can mark the animals with plasticine
Cuz its water-proof n all
N are easy 2 distinguish
N stick real nicely

For anti-biologists
Which r ppl who like 2 screw with
Biologists' experiments
They can mark the animals with super visible plasticine
For example glow in the dark plasticine
Or even pink plasticine
Then those animals will be super visible
N all the other animals will come n eat them =)
Then the biologists will be like
Wtf population size of species = zero
Haha biologists gt pwned =)

#4 : To fill up holes
Used by : Dentists, Bus Drivers, Engineers

Be it a
Micro-tooth cavity
Or a
Giant pothole in the middle of the road
Plasticine will definitely do the job

Most dentists use gold or silver filling
To fill up tooth cavities
Bt REAL MEN DENTISTS (or women dentists)
Use plasticine

Why?
It has colour
It is sticky so it will make u shut up if u talk too much
It is wayyyy cheaper than gold or silver
Heck u can walk down to some kiddies store
N get a whole bucket for a few bucks
N that bucket of plasticine is enough
To fill up all the tooth cavities in msia
Plus if u get bored
U can take it out n roll it into a ball n play with it <--barbs So it can only fill up small holes? DEFINITELY NO Most bus drivers Will probably stop or go around a pothole when they see one Bt REAL MEN BUS DRIVERS Will drive into the hole n die Bt REAL SMART MEN BUS DRIVERS Will take out a bucket of plasticine N start fillin up the hole Sure it might take a couple of hours N the passengers might be cursin u N u might get fired N u wont be able 2 support ur family N u might commit suicide due to hard times Bt at least u made life easier for the next bus driver Passing by that road So it can only fill up potholes? DEFINITELY NO Most engineers dont fill up big holes like this

They just leave it there so inconsiderately
Bt REAL MEN ENGINEERS
Will fill up this giant hole with plasticine

Cuz real men use plasticine

#3 : As a weapon
Used by : Murderers (duh), Assassins

Hmmm
Promise me u wont use this in real life
This is plasticine's deepest, darkest secret

It's been used as a murder weapon for generations
Used only by the elite
Used only by the cunning

Like that guy from Assassin's Creed
What's his name
Alalatair or smthin
He uses plasticine too

N of cuz
Angelina Jolie frm Wanted
She uses plasticine too

So how is it used as a weapon?
U shove it down some1's throat
Guaranteed near-instant / instant death

How does it work?
Depending on the plasticine ur usin
If ur usin the mehhh playdough for kids
It'll get stuck halfway down ur throat
Clog up ur air passage
Prevent oxygen intake
-Die-
If ur usin REAL MEN plasticine
It's probably poisonous or sumthin
It'll poison u
-Die-
Or else it'll just work like playdough for kids
Clog up ur air passage
Prevent oxygen intake
-Die-

Have trouble getting it into someone's throat?
Heres some tips frm the pros
I interviewed angelina n alalatair

Interview

Me : Good afternoon angelina n alalatair. Thx for taking some time off frm ur hectic schedule to be interviewed by me.

Angelina : Oh no problem, no problem at all.

Alalatair : *grunt*

Me : So some ppl have troubles usin plasticine the way u guys use it. Any tips?

Angelina : Practice makes perfect, baby. Well for rookies i'd suggest moulding plasticine to look like food, eg, a burger. Then the target will eat it n -Die-

Alalatair : *grunt*

Me : Ok thx a lot n ciao

Angelina : ciao

Alalatair : *grunt*

So there u have it

Oh
Plasticine can also be used as in underwater assassinations
According to angelina
She was even kind enough to provide me with a schematic diagram

#2 : Stealth / Cloaking device
Used by : Spies, Assassins, Marines, Park Rangers, Poachers

Ok
I dont have much information bout this
Cuz everythings top-secret

Bt frm wad i heard
Plasticine can be used as a stealth or cloaking device
Depending on the condition

Spies n soldiers use it as a stealth device
Bt its only used by the elites, ie : the Marines
G.I. Joe told me that
If u cover urself with purple plasticine
Enemy soldiers will think ur a lavender
N wont shoot u =)

N this is only rumours
Bt its said that park rangers n poachers
Use red plasticine as a cloaking device against certain animals
Cuz some animals cant see red rite?
So does that mean that
If u cover urself with red plasticine
Some animals cant see u?

Wow, damn
Harry Potter n his stupid ol' blanket that makes him invisible jz gt pwned

#1 : As substitute chewing gum
Used by : Cool people

Yes
At number 1 . . .

This is definitely
Plasticine's #1 use

Ever wanted to be as cool as this guy?

Well some of us
Are just not meant to be as cool as him
Yes, fate is cruel

Bt NOW!!
NOW!!
WITH THE INVENTION OF PLASTICINE!!
EVERYONE CAN BE COOL!!

Normally ppl would use chewing gum
To look cool

But!!
BUT!!
What if some cool ppl r walking towards u and u dont have any gum??
WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO??
HUH?
HUH?
STAND THERE N BE A LOSER FOR THE REST OF UR LIFE??
SIT IN THE CORNER N CRY CUZ U CANT BE COOL??

NO!!
NO!!
MAYBE LAST TIME
BT NOT NW
CUZ NW WE HAVE PLASTICINE
THE SUBSTANCE OF GODS

Stick a bit of plasticine in ur mouth
N pretend ur chewin gum =)

Its EXACTLY like gum
In fact
Its even better

Its not only sugar-free
Its taste-free too

Actually it tastes like shit
N its not so chewy

But as they say
Cool ppl fool with their drool n wipe it on their wool sweater

So that's it for the 10 uses of plasticine
Hope u liked it =)
N next time
Use plasticine for everything u do
N be a REAL MAN/WOMAN

Fish

2009-10-01T20:56:00.000+08:00

So the other day

I went to the supermarket

N i saw this awesome fish

It was all cool

Till the fish said 'hi'

The conversation :

Me : Wow awesome fish

Fish : Hi

Me : WHOA WTF?!!! TALKIN FISH!!

Fish : Nice weather 2day huh?

Me : Yeah

Fish : Ok bye

Me : Bye

It wuz salmon btw

N it tasted good =)

Here's a pic of mr salmon

Every1 say hi to mr salmon

Ok 2 honour mr salmon,

Here's one of my homemade recipes for salmon

Barty's Salmon

Aim : To make Barty's Salmon

Materials : Salmon, Salt, Lemon, Distilled water

Apparatus : Beaker, Bunsen burner, Glass rod, Filter paper, Conical flask

Procedure :

1. The salmon is prodded with a glass rod.

2. A beaker is broken and the glass shards used to cut open the lemon.

3. The lemon is eaten.

4. Salt is rubbed into eyes till the salmon can no longer be seen.

5. Excess salt is eaten.

6. The salmon is somehow stuffed into a conical flask.

7. 50 ml of distilled water is added to the conical flask.

8. The mixture is shaken vigorously.

9. The mixture is heated strongly with a Bunsen burner till a black precipitate is formed.

10. The conical flask is broken and the salmon is removed.

11. The salmon is dried by pressing it between 2 filter papers and left to dry under the sun till birds come and eat it.

12. Observations are recorded.

Results :

1. A black precipitate is formed.

Inference :

1. The salmon is burnt.

2. Barty's Salmon is produced.

Conclusion : Barty's Salmon rox.

Precaution :

1. Barty's Salmon is not consumed as it is highly carcinogenic.

Hellos!!

2009-10-01T20:52:00.000+08:00

Hey this is my first post

I created this blog cuz

Apparently stuff u say in a blog

Doesnt have 2 make sense

I am strangely drawn to the idea of

Spending 5 hrs on the comp writing stuff

That makes no sense

I love nt making sense =)

SourSalty

This Is The Tentative End.

Sweep Sweep Sweep

Procrastination

Hardlex Crystal

Hairdresser Pressure

PUISHING!!!

Picnic

February 1st 2010

IT LIVES!!

My Manifesto

College, 1st Day

Reunion

Short : Reason #3

Short : Reason #2

Short : Reason #1

Short Week

Interesting Websites

All I got for Christmas were

Happy New Yerrr

Happy Birthday Barbs

الانتظار في المطار

SEE YA!!

iPhone Hair

Desert Desserts

Mouth

Tze's House, Tour Guide

Furniture

Tomorrow

I shall get over it

My Nee (Screw the silent 'K')

Succumbed to Peer Pressure

CLOSED

Sejarahless

Twinkle twinkle Twinkletots

Perasantedness

Never Believe Assays

To Eli

Harsh Geeky Reality

Hello Hell-O Halloweenie the Pooh

Advertisements

SAT Sample Question

Bones and Guavas

Asses

MOSQUITOES!!!

i.like.toes

i.like.toes Review

Why go to America?

Taxi

To Barbs T.T

Sesame Street

I sat for SAT on Sat

Syair Negatif

Plasticine

Fish

Hellos!!